Saturday, June 20, 2009

Your breath is still on my lips

My mom is cleaning all my stuff out of my old room and wants me to put it up here in my apartment, because I clearly have all this room. We're looking at a box of dolls which I decided I didn't need anymore, she informs me that I should keep them even if I think I don't need them anymore. Guess I should go rent a storage space for all the shit you think I should keep that I'm never going to use again. Maybe she's hoping I'll use it for my kids someday, I don't really plan on having kids. Yeah, I had that moment a few months ago when I wanted one, but now that Kevin's brother has one, he doesn't see the need to have any. He had told me once in the beginning of our relationship, that he wanted kids because he didn't think his brother could have any. Now that his brother has a kid, he told me, he figures that if we're meant to have kids somehow it'll happen, even though I'm on birth control. And, even if I ever have kids, I sure don't want to push dolls on my daughter (if I have one), I want my kids to decide what they want, but I sure don't plan on doing anything totally girly or boyish when they're young. Why not, give my old toys/dolls/etc to Goodwill where some other kid can have some enjoyment out of them? Cause you sure don't want to keep them in your house, but yet you think I should keep them when I don't want to.

She had to come up and measure one of my closets to find out if some totes she bought to put my stuff in them would fit. As she's leaving she says I need to devote 2 hrs every day to cleaning/sorting/rearranging. She didn't say it in so many words but it's because she doesn't like the way my apartment looks. Sure, it's messy, but I can find everything I want, I don't have problems with it, what business is it of yours? She's starting to treat me as if I'm a little child again. I have a responsiblity to mow the lawn in the summer (shovel the sidewalks/driveway in the winter), the other day she called me and told me I needed to get my chores done. Chores? Really, is that what you think of them. I'd love for Kevin to hurry up and buy a house, so I can move in with him, sort through all my crap and get rid of what I don't need (without my mom knowing, cause she'll think I need to keep some of it) and get away from her. Just cause I live in your apartment doesn't mean you get to say how it looks. I don't have bugs, I don't have rotting food, the only thing you can't handle is that it's messy. I have no doubt that when I do get my own place, when she comes over, she'll still complain about the way I live.

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